Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
