I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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