come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
