I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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