No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
