new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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