We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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