you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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