how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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