His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
