Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize