How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
