i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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