there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
