I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
