my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
