wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he thought i was a dude.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
