You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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