What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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