i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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