Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
