I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
