there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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