ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
