Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
