He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
