She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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