The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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