i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
