does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
