i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
