so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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