Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
