I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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