Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
