There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
