Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
