Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
