this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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