I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just google imaged poop.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
