We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
