I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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