I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
