i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
