Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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