I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
