I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
