So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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