I feel like abortions should bother me more
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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