My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
