Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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