...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
