If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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