i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
