I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
