Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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