either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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