They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You are a genius and a whore.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
