So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
