So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
