Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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