dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
