I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
