he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
