That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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