I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
