and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
