I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize