she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.