Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Me too!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
bring money and cleavage
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
