god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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