You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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