Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
