where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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