my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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