Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he puts the penis in happiness.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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