Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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