Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
