until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
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What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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